Jessica Davis
Major Participant
Posts: 42
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| 07/23/2008 9:16 AM |
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I really wish I could give you some of my peace. I guess like I have said to Karin, I really had to let myself go. And what I mean by that is that I really let myself feel what ever i was feeling. I got really mad when I got my last negative pregancy test. And I just let myself be mad for a while. I didn't try and tell myself that I was being too negative or that I shouldn't be mad because I had so much to be thankful for. I just let myself be mad. I cried and even screamed. Then when all of that was out, I was really able to let myself be open to God and his peace. I know it is hard and I really feel for you. I really hit rock bottom when it came to my faith. It is like an addiction for me, I had to hit rock bottom before I could pick myself up. And what I mean by rock bottom, I really didn't know if I would ever have faith in God again. That is how mad I was at him. Also I have to give you ladies credit and my mom. I have not really been able to talk about what has happened until I came to this site. Just talking about how I felt, helped tremendously. Then as I writing I would tell my mom what I was doing and the responses I was getting. Then she would add to the advice. I can't tell you how grateful I am to this place and to my mom. I never really felt sisterhood until I came here. So thank you Jenny! You helped me find peace. I know this sounds funny, but I really needed to be hopeful for you. I needed to be able to find hope in something. Like you, I really thought you were going to be pregnant. And when you weren't, I was sad for you, but for me I was able to see that I found hope and that was really good for me. Because to be honest I hadn't had hope in anything for a long time. I really hope that I can keep this peacefulness when it comes to my next period, but if I don't I have realize that it will come back eventually. I hope something in this long novel will help you. Like I told Karin, I can ramble on for a long time. Sorry about that. But I will keep praying for you. Also remember the foot prints poem. When you are down, let some one carry you for a while. Even though you may be down, we are here to keep praying you. You are NEVER alone and just let us carry you for awhile.
-Jessica |
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Jenni Raughley
Major Participant
Posts: 41
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| 07/23/2008 1:21 PM |
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I do have an idea of what you are talking about because when John and I first found out that we were going to have a hard time getting pregnant I thought my world was ending...we went away for the night and were at dinner and all of a sudden I felt the warmest feeling come over me ever and I started to cry...not tears of sadness but tears of joy and comfort. In that moment I knew that everything would be ok and that we would get pregnant. Well that did come true but then we lost Hope and our worlds came tumbling down and now with the last couple failed attempts it is so difficult to feel that comfort and to know that it will happen for us...I guess I wouldn't be able to hear it or feel it right now through all of this anger...I sure could use it though...I guess I just really have to work on letting go of some of this...Its kinda funny but as I am writing this, my husband just called and said "guess what" and I said "what" and he said "we are going to get pregnant" he said that so many signs have showed him today that it will happen for us...I hope he is right!
Well like I said before I am really happy for you and I continue to think about you!
Jenni |
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Hopey Angel's mommy - stillborn 1/31/08 |
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Jessica Davis
Major Participant
Posts: 42
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| 08/11/2008 11:19 AM |
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I just got news that one of my friends 7 month year old boy died last night. When his parents went to check on him in his crib, they found him not breathing. And all i can think of is, "WHY!" I just don't get it. It was one thing for me to go through pain, but then to see someone else go through pain and not be able to help her. I find myself angry again and I don't want to be because i just found peace and now it is gone. I just feel so bad for her. I don't know how she feels, but she has got to be mad and hurt. I really hope one day she can have peace. How do I help her?? I'm up for anything. Please pray for my friends, because i know they are really going to need it.
Thanks
Jessica |
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 217
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| 08/11/2008 4:34 PM |
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I also know someone who lost their 10 week old to SIDS. It is terrible and so sudden. It just reminded me that each day is so precious.
Your friend has experienced a loss just like you. Just support them in the ways you would want to be supported.
Lots of prayer and love.
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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Karin Knapp
Recognized Participant
Posts: 111
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| 08/11/2008 11:35 PM |
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Jessica, I am so very sorry for your friend's loss. It sadness me to know that our children are never safe. I want to just hold my son close and never let go. It is a cruel world. My only comfort is that one day there will be no more tears and we will all be reunited in Heaven.
Sharon is so right. Support your friend how you would have wanted to be supported. You have that sensitivity and compassion that 'outsiders' just can't have. Use it. However we should also remember that not all grieve the same way or need the same kind of help. I wish people would just have asked me what I needed... I think after a good hug, that is always a good place to start - just ask. You are able to help her by being there for her in a very special way that only you can be.
Praying for you and your friend.
Love,
Karin |
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Jessica Davis
Major Participant
Posts: 42
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| 08/12/2008 11:47 AM |
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Thanks so much ladies,
I'm so glad that you to turn to when something like this happens. I am feeling much better than I was yesterday, I was surprised how angry I got. I really didn't want any one to mention anything about God or his plans. I am so tired of hearing everyone say that he has some kind of plan for all of us. I know today that it is right, but yesterday I just couldn't hear it. I just wanted to say thank you for all your prayers and advice.
-Jessiac |
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Jenni Raughley
Major Participant
Posts: 41
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| 08/12/2008 12:33 PM |
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Jessica,
I am so sorry...sometimes life just really sucks...and don't we all just know all to well on here. I think Karin has it right...a big hug and then ask what they need...I know that I wanted to talk about it and about my daughter and it was hard to find people to listen. But your friends will let you know what you can do and then just do whatever you can by following your heart.
I know also what you mean about not wanting to hear certain things and unfortunately lots of people don't really know what to say so they say things like "everything happens for a reason" and "its God's plan" I just try to remember that people don't know what else to say and even though we don't want to hear that, they mean well...but that doesn't mean that I always react real happy to them when I hear it...after all we are all human and most of us are really just doing the best that we can with what we are dealt at each particular moment.
I know you will find peace again...take care of yourself and your friends and I wish you lots of Hope and peace,
Jenni |
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Hopey Angel's mommy - stillborn 1/31/08 |
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eira plummer
Regular Participant
Posts: 11
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| 08/13/2008 2:10 PM |
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| Hello everyone my name is Eira and I just joined the MEND site today! I have spent time reading several responses and didn't quite know where to begin. I'd just like to take the time to say that we have an eight year old named Tyree and my husband Randy and I decided to try for another one. We had been trying for two years before we got the rewarding news that we were finally expecting! I missed my period by a few days, and after being disappointed so many times over the last two years, I really tried to make excuses saying it was coming it's just late. After several days had passed my girlfriend was not so convinced that it was coming on and asked me to just take a test for her sake. I did a few days later and it was positive. That was one of the happiest days of my life! I told my husband that no matter what happened the rest of this year I would be good to go, not knowing that I would lose my grandmother the same day that I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time on March 27th. Then just three months later would be hospitalized because I was in pre-term labor at only 5 months. I stayed in the hospital for 3 1/2 wks trying to stop the inevitable from happening, but on July 8th God decided it was time at 24 wks. 5 days. I had little Randyn Plummer and he only weighed 1lb. 8oz. so of course we were very scared for him but glad that he was seemingly doing very well and living and breathing. Randyn had no initial complications that they knew of so we just thought that time would help him out tremendously and add weight on to him and then he would be fine and we'd take him home. But just ten days later x-rays showed that he had what they call a perforation in his intestinal wall that was leaking out toxins into his chest cavity. Needless to say he died later that day and we were all crushed. All of my family had been rooting for him and visiting constantly everyday to check his progress, and they were all there at the hospital when he passed. Losing a child has been the hardest thing i've dealt with in my 27 years of living, but through God's grace and mercy I, along with the rest of my family, have been able to deal with it and tolerate all of the emotions and feelings that have come along with it. It has been just three wks. since my precious baby boy died and I can truly say that even in what we call our lowest of the low God is right there beside you leading the way all we have to do is just have faith in Him because remember He doesn't make mistakes and everything that He allows happens for a reason. I'm just so thankful for those ten days that I had with my son and I know he had a straight flight to heaven! |
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 217
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| 08/13/2008 3:25 PM |
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Eira,
I am so sorry for your loss. There are really no words to say but it sounds like you are keeping God close. That's good.
I am praying for you and your family.
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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eira plummer
Regular Participant
Posts: 11
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| 08/13/2008 9:58 PM |
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| Thanks Sharon I really appreciate that! Yes we are definitely keeping God close because without Him we are nothing and can endure nothing like we can with His presence. Like I mentioned before losing our son was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but Jesus will take you through things that you can't even imagine and help you find peace through it all if you just ask Him and trust in Him! It's only been 2 1/2 weeks since we buried our son and everyone wants to know if we want another child. I really feel like you need to let a sore wound heal first before getting back in the game! I think that maybe if I had a miscarriage then I would truly feel the need to still have another one, but since I actually gave birth to a live baby, actually spent time with him, and then he died that's the same feeling for me as if it were my eight year old, they both were my living children first. For me there's no difference with their ages because I loved Randyn no less than Tyree just because he was only ten days old compared to eight years. Whether we do or don't have more kids I think i'd be content either way. For me I am afraid to go through another loss like that! I know that the next time could be different, like all pregnancies are, but just the thought scares me. |
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Jessica Davis
Major Participant
Posts: 42
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| 08/15/2008 8:44 AM |
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Eira,
I am so sorry for your loss. But you sound like you are heading in the right direction. They say that you shouldn't rush into having another child, although I really think it depends on the couple. But I agree with you, thinking of getting pregnant again right now is probably too soon. You will know when you are ready again if you are ever ready. But I'm sure as time goes on you will find yourself wanting to give it another try. I know I did. But just give yourself time and let yourself heal from the loss that you just experienced. God will let you know what to do. Also having another child will not remove the pain you are feeling right now, people don't understand that if they haven't experienced a loss like this.
I am still afraid of getting pregnant again just for that same reason, I don't want to the same thing to happen again. But at the same time I am ready to get pregnant. That brings me to my next question ladies. When do you ladies take a pregnancy test. I am a day late and I keep telling myself that I'm going to get my period, but should I take one anyways? I hate taking those. It is so nerve racking and then I get really angry when it turn out to be negative. So what is your advice on that?
Thanks
Jessica |
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 217
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| 08/15/2008 6:22 PM |
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I take it once I am officially "late". I just can't wait!
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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eira plummer
Regular Participant
Posts: 11
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| 08/18/2008 7:00 PM |
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Thanks Jessica for that positive feedback! Me personally, I found it really upsetting to keep on taking tests just because I thought I may be pregnant, so I waited 'til I missed my cycle by about a week, then I took a test, and that's when I found out I was pregnant both times! I wish you all the luck and I hope this time's a winner for you!!
Eira-Mommy to Tyree and one angel in Heaven,Randyn! |
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Jessica Davis
Major Participant
Posts: 42
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| 08/19/2008 8:01 AM |
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I get frustrated too. I am 4 days late and have taken 3 tests, one on the day before I was suppose to start then one yesterday and then one this morning and still no period and they were all negative. WHAT IS GOING ON? I am never this late and I'm starting to get frustrated. I just wish I would either get my period or a positive test, just so I know. What do I do if I don't get my period, but still negative results, should I go to the doctor? Any advice???
Thanks
Jessica |
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MaryKate Lofredo
Regular Participant
Posts: 16
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| 08/19/2008 12:52 PM |
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Dear Eira,
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank God you are feeling His presence and support.
Hugs,
MK |
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MaryKate Lofredo
Mommy to six angels
Two on earth: Louis Edward (7/24/05) and John-Gabriel Alonzo (11/13/06)
Four in heaven: 7/99; 7/03; 03/04; 06/08/08 |
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 217
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| 08/19/2008 5:04 PM |
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Jessica,
I suggest that you consult your doctor if you skip an entire cycle. Stress can do funny things to your cycle so it may be nothing. There are drugs you can take to initiate a cycle if your doctor thinks it is necessary.
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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MaryKate Lofredo
Regular Participant
Posts: 16
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| 08/19/2008 8:32 PM |
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Dear Jessica,
I am having a hard time buying into "the plan", too. Sometimes the plan really blows. It is definitely hard rejoicing with others who are expecting and who have newborns. There are several soon-to-be moms in my parenting group. I was supposed to be one, too. I am happy for them, but sorry for myself and my loss. I have another baby in my heart. People who have not endured the loss don't understand that. We have to look for support from those who can give it. Unfortunately, we can't always have this expectation of those we are closest to.
As for being late, I would suggest waiting until you are a week late before testing again. If you're still late, and the test is still negative, go to your OB. Their tests are a little more sensitive, right? As someone else pointed out, stress really affects the system, so try to relax and pour your energy into something else for the rest of the week.
Hugs to you,
MK |
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MaryKate Lofredo
Mommy to six angels
Two on earth: Louis Edward (7/24/05) and John-Gabriel Alonzo (11/13/06)
Four in heaven: 7/99; 7/03; 03/04; 06/08/08 |
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