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MEND Online Forums
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Rachel Butler
Member
Posts: 5
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| 08/16/2008 11:49 PM |
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Well Thursday August 14th was the one month anniversary of Zoey's birth and today (August 17th) is the one month anniversary of Zoey's death. I am having the worst days, this is so extreemly hard to cope with the past few days. I wish there was a guide book on how to get through the day when you loose a child. I'm having the toughest time right now understanding why this happened and why God would do this to anyone. No one should ever feel the loss of a child. I just don't understand, and I am getting angry. I don't want to be angry with God, but I can feel myself going that direction. How do I not go in that direction? I don't want to be angry with God, but I can feel it happening. I was so angry yesterday that I started yelling at my husband. He didn't deserve that at all, and I don't quite understand why I took all of my anger out on him.
Loosing Zoey hurts so much and I don't think I'm strong enough for this, I don't know if I can make it through this.
Rachel
Mommy to Zoey Joy 7/14/08 - 7/17/08 |
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 256
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| 08/17/2008 6:32 PM |
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Rachel,
Some say that anger is a necessary step in the grieving process. I am sure that if you hold in your anger you will never move on. It is ok to feel anger as long as you don't let it take over your life. Talk to God about how you feel. He can handle your anger.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. It has only been a month.
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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eira plummer
Regular Participant
Posts: 11
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| 08/18/2008 6:41 PM |
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Rachel I am so sorry for your loss! I can truly understand how and what you are going through right now because my son Randyn's one month anniversary is today 8/18 and I didn't have such a good day either. We all will experience some emotions that maybe we can'y understand but they are necessary. Maybe the questions that you asked will never be answered for you, but know that in time you will find comfort if you keep Him close to you and have faith in His word! Know that He never makes mistakes and there will be a light at the end of your tunnel some day!!
Eira- Mommy to Tyree, here on earth
Mommy to one angel, Randyn, in Heaven!! |
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MaryKate Lofredo
Regular Participant
Posts: 16
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| 08/19/2008 8:39 PM |
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Dear Rachel,
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is so painful. As Sharon said, anger is part of the grieving process: allow yourself to feel what you feel. You're right, though: I doubt your husband is actually the object of your anger. Yell, scream, punch a pillow to get that anger out. Yell underwater in the swimming pool if you can. Scream in the shower. You have to find ways to make it through, and hopefully this site and our prayers will help.
Hugs,
MK |
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MaryKate Lofredo
Mommy to six angels
Two on earth: Louis Edward (7/24/05) and John-Gabriel Alonzo (11/13/06)
Four in heaven: 7/99; 7/03; 03/04; 06/08/08 |
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Karin Knapp
Recognized Participant
Posts: 132
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| 08/22/2008 12:08 AM |
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Rachel, I have been real angry as well lately. I feel so cheated. My daughters birthday should have been on Wednesday but instead I have empty arms. I just don't understand!!! And I am angry that most of the girls I have gotten to know who lost at the same time as me (4 months ago) are already pregnant again, but I am not. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, just angry I am left behind. I do believe though it is okay to be angry with God, He can handle it. But maybe we should rather be angry at the Devil who came to steal, kill and destroy. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone about being angry so please don't be so hard on yourself. The bible doesn't say not to be angry - it just says not to sin in our anger. God too gets angry about unjust things.
Sometimes I don't know either how to move forward. I feel like I move forward for a while, and then I get stuck. But I believe it will come. Be patient, be patient with yourself, God is!!!
Sending you a big, big hug!!!
Love and prayers,
Karin |
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Jessica Davis
Major Participant
Posts: 42
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| 08/22/2008 8:51 AM |
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I to have been pretty angry too. We must all be on the same page lately. But today i remembered something my priest said the other day in mass. He said that God never once said that believing in him would be easy. He said at the end of the road we would be in heaven, but never that we would get everything we prayed for along the way. Then it would be too easy for us to be believe in him and have faith in him. That really hit home for me. We can have all the faith in the world, but that doesn't make our days any easier. That doesn't mean that every time we pray for something, that it is going to happen. As much as it sucks for me to say this, God does have a plan for us and there is a stupid reason for all of this. The reason I hate to say that is because I have heard that from everyone, but I have yet to find a reason for any of this to be happening. The other day I just got mad not only for what I have gone through, but for all of you ladies too. You deserve to be happy and Karin you deserve to get pregnant again. I pray for all of you to find peace and happiness. And Rachel just know that it is okay to be angry with God. He will always be there for you, but sometime the best thing for us it to just let that anger out and direct to who you really are angry at. Because until you do that, you might keep it all bottled in and then let it out at the wrong person. God is expecting this, he must realize that when he does something like this that we are going to be upset. So just let it out.
-Jessica |
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Jenoa Olson
Member
Posts: 4
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| 08/25/2008 11:38 AM |
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Rachel-
We lost our 2nd child in early July and we named him Zoe Aionios (meaning "life eternal" from Romans 5). I get mad too when I think that he's alive in heaven, but I can't be the one to hold him.
We (my husband and I) attended a support group at the hospital when were delievered him and many of the dads shared how they were mad alot. I think its pretty common, so don't feel bad. The hardest thing for me is that I just don't feel like myself and that I can't get my act together... I know there isn't a time limit to getting through the grief, but I just want to be happy again... thankfully there are great people like those here that help us get through rough days. I'll be praying for you. |
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