Amanda Miller
Regular Participant
Posts: 12
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| 09/21/2008 7:11 PM |
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| Hi my name is Amanda Miller. I am 24 I have a beautiful 2yr old daughter Mattison. I just recently gave birth to my second child my son still boen Sept. 3rd. I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. I am struggling it seems more and more every day. I miss him so much. I just needed to talk with women who know how I feel and know what I'm going thru. |
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Karin Knapp
Recognized Participant
Posts: 111
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| 09/21/2008 7:22 PM |
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Dearest Amanda, I am truly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry you don't have your son with you to hold and love and see grow up. I do hope that Mattison will bring some comfort into your life but we all know that one child doesn't replace another and I hope you will allow yourself to grief the son you lost. Allow yourself to feel what you feel for as long as you feel. We don't just get over a loss and move on, but we do move forward, slowly. Yet there are definitely set backs. For me the first two weeks after the loss was probably easier than so many other weeks. I think I was in a bit of shock and also disbelief and then reality set in. At the same time the support decreased. Then there are milestones to face and all the trigger points in our world - whether is is other pregnant women or little babies. So many things remind us of what could have been and what we have lost. Please don't be hard on yourself for struggling and know that we understand and are here to support you.
In His love,
Karin |
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Amanda Miller
Regular Participant
Posts: 12
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| 09/21/2008 7:48 PM |
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| Thank you for your prayers. You are right the first 2 weeks I seemed to be okay. We had a funeral and I thought I was doing good. Its now that I feel I'm struggling the most. I can't sleep. I don't have an appetite. I am an infant toddler teacher at a head start and I find it so hard to hold the babies in my class. I think that I will never hold and rock my son to sleep. That I will never hear his first words or see his first steps. I feel like I have this huge hole that I can't feel. I remember when I found out that I was pregnant I was so excited because my due date was december 9th my mom's birthday and I kept talking about how much fun Christmas would be this year having a new baby. And nw all I can think is that I won't have my baby. It seems that everyone else has moved on, like they don't hurt anymore. Even my husband seems to be taking this better than me. Thank you for talking with me. It helps me to know that I'm not alone. |
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LaDundriette McCain
Major Participant
Posts: 49
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| 09/21/2008 9:05 PM |
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Hello, Amanda, and welcome.
I wish I had the right words of comfort, but I'm not sure that I do. Just know that we're here to listen and to keep you in thought and prayer.
I thought the same as you; that it'd be great to have my baby during Christmas...his/her very first Christmas, but that dream was crushed. My baby was due on July 22nd, the day after my Mom's birthday.
I sat in the middle of the bed Friday night and cried for about two hours. I was missing my Mom (she passed away five years ago) as well as my little baby that I never got to know. I miscarried at seven weeks. People are telling me that I should move on and think of the idea of having a child that I might be blessed with to care for in the future. That may happen, but I need my own time to get through this. You need your own time, too.
My ex-boyfriend is able to get along a lot better than I am as he says he did't have a chance to know the baby as I did....that I carried it and he didn't. I wish he didn't say that, but I can't change him I suppose.
Hang in there. You now have a place to vent with others in or near your situation.
Take care. |
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LM
Mommy to one angel in Heaven - -
Kai Angel (m/c at seven and half weeks...grew wings on December 17, 2007)
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 217
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| 09/22/2008 3:11 PM |
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Amanda,
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. It sounds like you are coming out of the "shock" and starting the truly grieve. It is such a difficult time and I will definitely be praying for you.
Please keep in mind that men deal with grief in a totally different way than women. It may seem that your husband is dealing with things better than you are but in fact he may be bottling his feelings inside. That is more dangerous than letting them out and showing the world your sadness.
Men tend to express their grief in anger and frustration and lashing out at others. Please pray for him and that he will share his feelings in time because he needs to grieve his son also.
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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Leslie Westenhaver
Member
Posts: 6
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| 09/23/2008 9:34 AM |
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| So sorry for your loss. Praying for comfort and continued healing. Time is the only thing I've found so far that lessens the pain. We're always here for you. |
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Karin Knapp
Recognized Participant
Posts: 111
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| 09/23/2008 3:49 PM |
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Amanda, I am so sorry for all the hurt and pain you are going through. It is a physical pain we could never imagine existed until now. To me it literally feels like my heart is aching. Sure we all have heard the word heartache but I didn't know it was a real thing. And sometimes it hurts just to breath. I truly feel like I am dying at times. Yet somehow we keep going. I hope that someday we will do more than just survive and actually enjoy life again. I know and believe God can turn things around although it will take time.
It is true that everyone else moves on and forgets that you are still left with the pain. They haven't felt it themselves and so once the funeral is over others start to forget. Only those who have actually experienced the loss of a child will be able to relate to what you are going through and truly mourn with you. I do believe though that your husband is grieving. As Sharon said, men and women do grieve differently. Men think about it in silence, women need to talk about it. What matters though is that we can support eachother in spite of our differences. Most of it comes down to communication. Don't be afraid to tell your husband how you feel and how women in general feel and what you need from him.
Praying for you.
In His love,
Karin
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