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MEND Online Forums
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Amanda Miller
Regular Participant
Posts: 12
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| 10/03/2008 4:55 PM |
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Today is one month since I lost my baby boy. In some ways it feels like it just hit me. Everyone has gone on about there buisness. Its like I was never pregnant! I struggled through work today breaking down a few times. I think that the numbness is wearing off and I'm starting to truely realize what I have lost. People keep talling me that time will heal my pain. But I feel the opposite right now. The closer it gets to what was my due date the more pain I feel. I keep thinking about all the plans we had for him. How I should be getting really big now and planning my baby room and a baby shower. Its just so hard.
Amanda |
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LaDundriette McCain
Major Participant
Posts: 49
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| 10/03/2008 8:03 PM |
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Hi, Amanda.
I'm very sorry you're having such a hard time.
Sometimes it takes a while for the pain to really set in, and then we realize the severity of our loss.
You can't just get over it, so don't feel that you need to. Just listen to your own heart and take your own time of getting through this.
Feel better. |
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LM
Mommy to one angel in Heaven - -
Kai Angel (m/c at seven and half weeks...grew wings on December 17, 2007)
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Karin Knapp
Recognized Participant
Posts: 111
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| 10/03/2008 8:41 PM |
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Amanda, I think what you are experiencing is very normal. I know that I hurt more and more as the due date approached. For some reason I was mostly okay on the due date. I believe it had a lot to do with people all over the world praying for me. I also went to my church's playgroup that morning and spend time with the other girls who have all been very supportive. I don't hide it when I have bad days so they know that I am not 'over it' yet and respect that. I think we just need to be upfront about it - otherwise people won't take notice and give you the much needed support. When people ask me how I am doing I have started to tell them 'today I am doing okay' or 'today I am having a bad day'. I realized that if I just told people that 'I am doing okay' then they think I am okay from there on and that is so not true. Grief is a roller coaster and I think your friends and family need to be very aware of that. Anyway, as I said I was actually doing okay on my due date but then it all got harder again. I kept imagining how old my little girl should have been and what things could have been like and seeing little baby girls about the age Kathleen should have been hurt and still really hurts. I do think that with time our pain will become less but that doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs during that time. Please keep allowing yourself to feel what you feel for as long as you feel it. Be open about it - I really found that that helps. And be good to yourself.
Oh, I just want to add that sometimes it seems everyone else around us has moved on and forgotten about our loss but I don't always think that is true. I attend another playgroup and was fairly close friends with a couple of girls there but hadn't been as upfront with them about the fact that I want to talk about my loss so they just didn't bring it up. They didn't want to hurt me by bringing things up. And I thought they were uncomfortable talking about it. We both had wrong assumptions. Fortunately they talked to a leader of the group about it who told them that I was most willing to talk about it all and so the doors opened. But 5 months had gone by where we just basically avoided eachother. Be open if you can and let people know you do want to talk about it - it makes a world of difference.
Lots and lots of hugs,
Karin |
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Debby Shulman
Regular Participant
Posts: 14
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| 10/05/2008 12:46 PM |
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Hi Amanda
i was thinking of you recently and signed on with the intention writing you to see how you were doing. I remember how it felt when that first milestone hit...the one month mark. It was very hard but the only thing i can say is that it will get easier as each month, week and day passes. Just think, youve made it through this far, which shows how strong you are. I know exactly how you feel, i never belived anyone when they told me that time would heel but it does, i promise you. And as my due date approached, i did feel like i was lost, that i SHOULD always be doing something else (rather than charting my ovulation!) I still feel that way sometimes. Although i have to say that at this point (8 months since my loss ) that i think more about the future and less about the past. I will never forget but now it doesnt hurt as much to remember.
On my due date, last June, we both took the day off of work and went to the cemetary to visit him. For a while in the months that past, i would talk to him everyday, telling him how much i missed him and sending him all my love
If you dont mind me asking...did you hold him after he was born? |
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