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MEND Online Forums
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R S
Member
Posts: 1
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| 02/15/2008 2:13 PM |
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My husband and I found out during our first ultrasound on 2/12 that our baby had no heartbeat and had apparently expired at 8 weeks, 4 days.
We had no warning. The ultrasound technician didn't make any warning noises, or refer us back the doctor. It was "are you sure you got the date of last period right?" followed by "well, the baby died at 8 weeks, 4 days. Do you want to see?". I declined immediately while DH asked her to repeat herself. She then told us to get dressed and go back to the doctor's office.
That was it. A lifelong dream died in the space of less than a minute with an incredibly insensitive healthcare worker. My doctor is way more empathetic, and arranged a second ultrasound. That doctor and technician were much nicer and more professional. A D&E was scheduled for the next day. I had no symptoms or warning this was coming. Missed abortion was the diagnosis. 
I'm crushed. Besides being in pain, I've done nothing but eat the last 48 hours because I can't bear the feeling of an empty belly. I'm 38 and had waited years after a short marriage to find someone who would be willing to try immediately for a family.
We'll try again, but I'm finding it hard to stop crying.
Thanks for reading. |
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Laura Olson
Regular Participant
Posts: 29
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| 02/15/2008 7:17 PM |
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RS -
I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I know your pain and know your sadness. It's horrible that some medical workers don't understand that these aren't fetuses, they are our children and the loss of them is earth-shattering.
This is a wonderful message board and I have found great support here since my miscarriage last September. I hope you find the same and that it will help you through your grief.
Take very good care of yourself during this time and don't lose hope. I pray you find peace & comfort knowing your beautiful baby is with God and is surrounded by love.
Laura |
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Bonnie Griffin
Member
Posts: 5
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| 02/16/2008 1:02 PM |
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Hi,
I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that you had to lose your baby. I can definitley feel your pain and sorrow. I went in on 2/7/2008 to have a anatomy ultrasound done and no one could have prepared me for the awful news that I was about to receive. When they went to do the ultrasound they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was almost 20 weeks along. I was completely devastated. I broke down right there on the ultrasound table. I was in total disbelief. I couldn't understand how this could happen. I had another miscarriage back in 2006 at 7 weeks and I just couldn't believe that god could be so cruel. All I wanted to do was to be a good mother and I wanted this baby so badly. On 2-8-2008 the next morning I delivered my baby and that was the most gutwrenching thing I have ever had to do. I couldn't hold my baby or see my baby and that tore me apart. Everytime I see a baby or hear one cry it just kills me inside and I just lose it. It hurts so bad I just dont know how to deal with it. I want to have one more child but I am 36 and I know there are more problems trying to have a bsby at this age. I have 4 beautiful children that I love very much and I know that should probably be enough but I really want another baby but I am so scared to think about trying again. It would completely kill me if I got pregnant again and something bad happened. No one can understand unless they experienced the loss of a child.I dont know if I will ever be able to get over this. This has really impacted my life and it just goes to show you that you can never take things for granted because they can be taken away from you in an instant. I pray for you and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I am so sorry for your loss.
Bonnie
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Melissa Stephens
MEND Moderator
Recognized Participant
Posts: 153
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| 02/16/2008 6:37 PM |
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RS,
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss and for the added pain of finding out in such an insensitive way. How horrible! I hope you told your doctor how you were treated. I'm glad your doc was more sensitive, but know that isn't a huge help during a time like this. I hope you find the support you are looking for here. Best wishes!
Bonnie,
I'm very sorry for your losses as well. Don't feel guilty about wanting another child. I often feel that way because I did have a beautiful and healthy little boy after my first was stillborn and I sometimes feel like that should be enough. Maybe one day I will be content with his being an "only" child, but I'm not there yet. I would love to give him a couple of siblings. Only God knows what is in store for our families, and I simply must do my best to put my faith in his plan - even when it hurts.
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Melissa
wife to Rob
mommy to:
David, my 1st angel in heaven - born still October 23, 2003
C.J., my angel on earth - Sept. 29, 2005
Baby Stephens, my 2nd angel in heaven - June 30, 2008
Stanley, my fur-baby - miniature schnauzer, 4 years old |
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Amy C.
Member
Posts: 1
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| 02/17/2008 9:54 AM |
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I am new here too, and found out by the ultrasound technician as well. I had bleeding and went in for a check, there was no heartbeat and she told me I was most likely going to miscarry. She sent me home.
No nurse came in, no doctor-they were busy. I left to absorb the shock alone in my car. I can't believe there isn't a better procedure for delivering news to expectant moms, and I can't believe how little I was told about what to expect, or given literature to help me-or even pain relief!
I am sorry for your loss above all! I hope you find comfort through talking about it, and getting support here.
Amy |
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Melissa Stephens
MEND Moderator
Recognized Participant
Posts: 153
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| 02/19/2008 6:07 AM |
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| Ladies, I hope those of you who had a bad experience with your doctor (perhaps not even the doctor, but u/s technicians, etc) will consider switching offices. It saddens me so much to read stories like this. My doctor was amazing when we lost our son and I often say that I would follow him anywhere in Dallas/Ft. Worth (BIG place, if you're not too familiar with this area) b/c of how sensitive he was during both of my pregnancies. Even now, he is so encouraging as we struggle through infertility for a 3rd time. I would encourage you all to look elsewhere if you were not treated sensitively. |
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Melissa
wife to Rob
mommy to:
David, my 1st angel in heaven - born still October 23, 2003
C.J., my angel on earth - Sept. 29, 2005
Baby Stephens, my 2nd angel in heaven - June 30, 2008
Stanley, my fur-baby - miniature schnauzer, 4 years old |
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