Nele Rogers
Major Participant
Posts: 57
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| 05/01/2008 7:31 PM |
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How do you answer the question "How many children do you have?"
I had my first experience of someone asking me how many children I have (since my miscarriage.) I want my answer to be 3, because that is the truth, but what if it's just a chit-chatty-just-met-you-for the-first-time question?
I can see both sides and haven't decided what my answer will be when I am asked in the future. I answered 3 this time but think in some situations it would be better to just say 2, although that feels very discounting for my son Matthew that we lost at 16 weeks pregnant.
Does anyone have any insight?
Nele Rogers
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 256
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| 05/02/2008 11:13 AM |
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It is hard to say what you mean when you are caught off guard.
I don't have any living children so it is very confusing.
I think I am going to say that I have no living children. That will give them the choice to pursue it or not. |
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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Ana De Forge
Regular Participant
Posts: 23
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| 05/02/2008 2:19 PM |
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Hello Sharona and Nele,
I also don't have any living children. Two babies in heaven. I like what you say Sharona about say no living children. I've been telling people "two babies in heaven" but then they get that glazed look over their eyes like they didn't want to hear that. :-( |
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shan j
Recognized Participant
Posts: 72
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| 05/04/2008 5:56 PM |
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Nele,
I understand wholeheartedly what you are saying. I just turned 32 and I swear everywhere I go people are asking me how many children do I have. When say I don't have any living children they give me the look...Sometimes I wanna scratch there eyes out. I think from now on I am gonna say 5 cause thinking about it I do have 5 children. When I get to heaven I will be reunited with my children. So my answer is 5. If they wanna see them then I will tell them to look up to the sky and say hey. |
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Shan
Mother to 6 Angels in Heaven |
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Nele Rogers
Major Participant
Posts: 57
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| 05/05/2008 3:27 PM |
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| It's like you sort of step around people to make sure that you don't hurt them and it makes it even harder on yourself. I go back and forth (I do that a lot about this whole freaking losing a baby thing....you just don't know how to act. The only thing I know is when someone else (or I)do/does or says something that isn't right, I know it....that is the only thing that I KNOW for sure in this whole stinking experience. |
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Nele Rogers
Major Participant
Posts: 57
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| 05/05/2008 3:27 PM |
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| It's like you sort of step around people to make sure that you don't hurt them and it makes it even harder on yourself. I go back and forth (I do that a lot about this whole freaking losing a baby thing....you just don't know how to act. The only thing I know is when someone else (or I)do/does or says something that isn't right, I know it....that is the only thing that I KNOW for sure in this whole stinking experience. |
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Nele Rogers
Major Participant
Posts: 57
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| 05/05/2008 3:28 PM |
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| It's like you sort of step around people to make sure that you don't hurt them and it makes it even harder on yourself. I go back and forth (I do that a lot about this whole freaking losing a baby thing....you just don't know how to act. The only thing I know is when someone else (or I)do/does or says something that isn't right, I know it....that is the only thing that I KNOW for sure in this whole stinking experience. |
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Nele Rogers
Major Participant
Posts: 57
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| 05/05/2008 3:28 PM |
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| It's like you sort of step around people to make sure that you don't hurt them and it makes it even harder on yourself. I go back and forth (I do that a lot about this whole freaking losing a baby thing....you just don't know how to act. The only thing I know is when someone else (or I)do/does or says something that isn't right, I know it....that is the only thing that I KNOW for sure in this whole stinking experience. |
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Stephanie Fritts
Member
Posts: 9
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| 06/21/2008 2:06 PM |
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| THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!! I work in an L&D unit, so naturally people ask me how many children I have. What they are really asking is how many times I have been through labor and delivery. My automatic response is 4. Then they look at me funny, because I am only 29. But if I say two, I feel like I'm cheating myself in order to not make them uncomfortable. So, like you, I say I have two children, and I feel sad. |
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Lisa Day
Recognized Participant
Posts: 154
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| 07/01/2008 5:07 PM |
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I have shared this feeling much more lately. Also, signing cards is difficult. I always put Love, Joey, Lisa, Josh and Lily. Now I feel weird and I really hate putting that, but if I add Josiah then I need to add "Our Baby", too (I am still uncertain with her name). How do you all handle this? I just leave them off because I hate to "shove" them on people, but then I feel so empty not adding them (especially Josiah). Maybe I am just weird!
Lisa |
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Sharon G
Recognized Contributor
Posts: 256
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| 07/01/2008 6:05 PM |
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No, you're not weird at all. You naturally want to give significance to your babies and their contribution to your family.
Sometimes I feel like we should stop worrying so much about other's feelings and just do what feels right to us.
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Sharon G
Mother to two angels - Drew (S/B 12-07) & Baby G (M/C 09-08) |
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