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MEND Online Forums
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Kari Wood
Member
Posts: 6
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| 05/15/2008 8:02 PM |
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3 years ago last week we had our still born son, Robert, at 34 weeks.
On my birthday this year in March we found out we were pregnant again. I knew God was planning something special. I miscarried last month at 8 weeks, we were so sa but know God has something great planned for us. My doctor was great the 2 weeks preceeding the miscarriage, but the emergency room the weekend it happened was horrible. It felt like a bad dream. Our friends and church were so supportive. It brings back all the old (not really so old) feelings from before. Same time of the year and all.
Mother's Day was bittersweet and all my mother in law could do is talk about what Robert would be doing if he were here. He would have just turned 3. She thought she was being nice, but I thought it was really insensitive. All she had to say was "I wish he were here." All she would say is, "If he were here, he would be...", "I went ot Roberts grave yesterday."
Am I horrible? I was so hurt by her words and know she meant only the best. How do I keep from holding it against her? Or is there any way I can tell her? |
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Lisa Day
Recognized Participant
Posts: 154
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| 05/16/2008 12:21 AM |
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Kari,
You are NOT horrible!!! Neither is she, though! She just doesn't understand and it is a very difficult thing to help some people understand how their words can drive knives through our tender hearts sometimes.
What you are experiencing is very trying and full of much pain. I am so deeply sorry that you have had to endure both of these losses. We have recently had 2 losses ourselves...it is hard! However, no...you shouldn't hold it against her. God calls us to forgive...even "Mother-In-Laws".
Maybe it would help her if you could bring up how much talking about Robert hurts you (in general) when she hasn't just mentioned him. It might help her to understand that this baby is very special to you too, and you are in another period of mourning (not that you may have ever gotten out of that for Robert). Again, I am sorry for what you are having to endure!
I don't know the answer...but I do know that the women here are wonderful and full of empathy, not just sympathy. We can all understand to some degree how you feel and are here to help each other get through this very hard and painful time frame of our lives , by leaning on God.
Don't give up!!!
Also, I sympathize with learning on your birthday. We removed my IUD the day after my birthday. We got pregnant with our first miscarriage and lost it what felt like right before Thanksgiving. We figured out that I was pregnant on Christmas Eve, Tested positive on New Years Eve, around midnight (not that we are big celebrators), I started "leaking" fluid (even though the doctor sticks to the fact that it wasn't my amniotic fluid...hmmm?) on our anniversary and I learned that his heart had stopped the day after Easter (which they say Easter could have very likely been the day he died). And to top it off, on Mother's Day I got to have a repeat D&C (they didn't get everything the first time). So, I pray that it will not dampen your ability to appreciate your birthday from now on, but I do understand! Trust me...I can relate!
Be very blessed and know that you are not alone.
Lisa Day
Mother of 2 Angels on Earth: Joshua (12 years old), LilyAnne (4 years old) & my precious Angels in Heaven (including Josiah Samuel Day) |
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